Editing Samples

Query to Author: Developmental Edits

Memorandum

To: Author
From: Amanda Kanno-Davis
Date February 25, 2024
Subject: Developmental Edits

Below is a generalized list of suggested edits for the author:

Hook: The opening paragraph introduces some questions that add to the hook, but since the reader isn’t fully grounded in the story yet, the impact isn’t as effective as it could be. By the end of the chapter, the reader only has hints of possible stakes for the main character, which also diminishes the effectiveness of the hook. If the author were to make the stakes more clear, allowing those to drive the chapter forward, the hook would be more powerful.
Pacing: Much of this chapter involves backstory or large chunks of information. It slows the pacing significantly. The author might consider weaving in unnecessary information at a later point. The reader would also benefit from having a better understanding of character goals/conflict within the chapter so that we feel like we are moving toward something.
Characterization: The author may want to consider helping the reader connect to the main character earlier in the story. We are given very little to ground us in the character. What makes her unique? What makes us care about her? The author may also want to consider limiting how many characters are in this opening chapter. An introduction to too many characters in such a short time can be confusing.
Setting and Mood: The author does a good job of situating the reader in the place and time of the story. The setting and the mood are clear, however, the author may consider shifting some of the focus off of the setting to offer deeper characterization.
Prose: The voice of the chapter could use some refining. Oftentimes, the author uses a ‘telling’ voice instead of a ‘showing’ voice. Help the reader feel and see what’s happening in the story. Deeper characterization will also help this issue. If the author has a better understanding of the main character, a unique voice will emerge in the prose. The author might also consider the ways in which the imagery and the cultural references feel forced or obvious.

What is or isn’t working on a content level?

The author has an intriguing setting for the story, and there is a lot of interesting potential here. A deeper look at the characters and their goals/conflicts would aid in correcting some of the issues in the chapter. A clear definition of the stakes would also be very helpful to the reader. What does the main character want? And what are the consequences if she doesn’t get what she wants?

Extra Encouragement: This chapter has so much great potential. There are hints of really interesting story elements, and some good character dynamics. A little revision will really bring out the strengths in this chapter. Keep up all the hard work!

Query to Author: Copy Edits

Memorandum

To: JSL Editors
From: Amanda Kanno-Davis
Date February 25, 2024
Subject: Sub14-Macros-Prevention-TTe

For this round of editing, our team was able to double-review all pages, sources (Harward–Yang), and source texts. An edit of bibliographic entries was also completed. It should be noted that a different team oversaw the editing of the abstract and remaining sources.

The author did well in addressing the need for discourse on this important topic. They were thorough in gathering and organizing sources as support information and did very well in utilizing these sources to offer varying perspectives on the topic. The viable solutions offered throughout the article added credibility to the piece. The editing team appreciated the author’s passion and the emotionally relatable anecdotes included.

Below is a generalized list of suggested edits for the author:

Analysis of sources: The author could look at the sources within the article and offer a deeper analysis of the information. The references are summarized nicely, but it may help reader-understanding if the author were to expound on each of these references with their own thoughts and explanations.
Tie-In to Thesis: The author may be able to strengthen the points made in the paper by stating the ways in which the information ties directly to the thesis.
Direct Quotes: The author most often uses paraphrasing when discussing sources. We suggest incorporating more direct quotes to strengthen the writing.
Research Context: When the author discusses the research surrounding this topic, the reader could use more context. The author could answer the following questions for the reader: What were the goals of the research? What methods were used to conduct the research? What were the researcher’s conclusions?
Updating Sources: The editing team suggests that older sources be updated.
Organization: The author should note that the editing team suggested organizational changes such as addressing nursing challenges before addressing coping strategies. The team also noted that the organization of the article may be improved by narrowing the audience of the piece (Is the author addressing nurses? Insurance companies? Stakeholders?) By narrowing the audience, the author may be able to more effectively hone in on the most important points of the article.
Sentence Clarity: The editing team also suggests that the author review the article for clarity within the sentences. Some sentences can be streamlined, while others can be broken apart to aid in the flow of ideas. We also suggest a review of ideas for repetitiveness.

For all other details regarding edits, the author may refer to the comments on the edited version of the article. Our team was so appreciative of this author, and the opportunity to work on a piece which sheds light on such an important topic.